


How Do I Live Without You?

by DizzyDrea



Category: JAG
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-12
Updated: 2010-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-27 03:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/291374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DizzyDrea/pseuds/DizzyDrea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a week investigating a case in Sand Diego, Harm and Mac take some time off. But can a few days in the Southern California sun finally melt the walls between them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do I Live Without You?

**Author's Note:**

> I have always loved Trisha Yearwood, and I liked this version of the song better than that other chick who also sang it. The song is _How Do I Live Without You?_ and can be found on her greatest hits album.
> 
> JAG and all its particulars is the property of Donald P. Belisarius, Belisarius Productions, Paramount Television, NBC Productions and a lot of other people who aren't me. I'm doing this for fun and for practice. Mostly for fun.

~o~

1914 ZULU Friday, October 20, 2000  
North Island Naval Base  
San Diego, CA

“Aye, sir, and thank you, sir.”

Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. hung up the phone and turned to his partner, Lt. Colonel Sarah “Mac” MacKenzie with a smile.

“I take it he was pleased,” Mac observed, taking in the relaxed stance and easy smile of the man leaning against her desk.

“You could say that,” Harm shrugged with a smile. “I think he’s just glad to have this case behind us. It couldn’t have been easy for him to have a SEAL implicated in this whole mess.”

“True,” Mac agreed. “But at least we were able to prove that Petty Officer Brandt wasn’t guilty. That has to make him feel a little better.”

Sitting up a little straighter in her chair she stretched her back and thought with distaste about the long flight ahead of them. Harm noticed the fatigue and discomfort in her face. Moving behind her he reached up and began to massage the strain from her shoulders.

Mac melted a little further into her chair and sighed audibly. “You know if you ever decide to leave the Navy you could make a killing giving massages.”

“I’ll have to remember that, Colonel,” Harm smiled devilishly.

Enjoying the massage for only a few moments more, Mac sighed again before looking up and smiling at her partner. “Well, I could sit here and do this all day, but if we don’t get this report written, we’ll never make it to the airport.”

Harm gave Mac’s shoulders one last squeeze before returning to his perch on the edge of her desk. He smiled easily at his partner and thought not for the first time about how grateful he was that the admiral had sent them to handle this case. In the week since their arrival they had spent a great deal of time together, not all of it related to the case. They had eaten dinner alone together almost every night, took walks on the beach, talked until they were both too exhausted to think. It had been a time of renewal for their friendship, without the distractions of home, the office and others to take their focus from each other.

The thought of “others” made Harm’s thoughts naturally turn to one person: Brumby. Ever since he showed up to surprise Mac at the Surface Warfare Ball, their relationship had seemed to suffer. They hadn’t been able to spend time together as friends, and he missed it. But this week had been good. And maybe it didn’t have to end just yet.

“Hey Mac, the admiral told me he doesn’t expect us in the office until Tuesday. He practically made it an order for us to take a long weekend. What do you say?”

Mac tipped her head slightly in thought. “I figured that you’d want to spend some time with your mom and Frank this weekend. I don’t want to intrude.”

Seeing the uncertainty pass across her face, Harm added, “Mom and Frank are actually in New York until next week. I got a call last night from an old friend of Frank’s. Their company yacht is here in San Diego until Wednesday. When he heard I was in town and that mom and Frank were gone, he offered it to me for the weekend.”

A weekend on a yacht sounded like a slice of heaven itself. Mac hadn’t really had a vacation since…well in a while. And she refused to feel guilty about leaving Mic in Washington alone. She would enjoy this weekend and worry about the rest later.

“Sounds good to me, Sailor. Where do I sign up?”

Harm’s face broke into his patented Rabb thousand-watt smile. “Tell you what,” he said as he moved to sit at his own temporary desk. “You get a head start on that report and I’ll give them a call and let them know we’re coming.”

Smiling at his enthusiasm, Mac replied, “Sounds like a plan to me.”

0028 ZULU Friday  
Naval Barracks  
North Island Naval Base  
San Diego, CA

Mac’s internal clock told her that it was nearly time for Harm to come pick her up, but she was almost ready. Besides, he was always late.

No sooner had that thought formed in her mind than there was a knock on the door to her room. Checking her appearance in the mirror one last time, Mac smoothed her hands down her jeans and headed for the door.

“You’re early,” she exclaimed when she caught sight of her partner standing outside the door.

He cut a handsome figure in his khakis and sunglasses, looking every inch the California boy that he was. Mac’s heart did a little flutter when he smiled at her and she had to put her hand to her chest to make sure it wasn’t trying to beat its way out.

 _What’s wrong with you, Marine_ , she thought to herself. _He’s the same Harm he always was and you’re practically engaged to another man._

Yeah, right. She knew that if Mic meant that much to her that she would have already accepted his proposal. So what was she waiting for? She honestly didn’t know. Or that’s what she kept telling herself.

Shaking herself mentally, Mac resolved to not think about any of this for the next three days. She was going to enjoy herself this weekend. Then, when she got back to Washington, she would spend some serious time considering her next move.

“Well, I’ve got to keep you on my toes, now don’t I,” Harm teased Mac as he followed her into her room.

“Just let me grab my bag and we can go,” Mac called over her shoulder as she moved across the room to close and secure her suitcase.

That done, she hefted it in one hand and her purse and light jacket in the other and crossed back to Harm standing near the open door.

“Okay,” she looked up at him a little breathless, whether from carrying her bag or from his still glowing smile she wasn’t sure.

Harm reached down to pluck her suitcase from her hand, bringing them into close proximity with one another. From this distance he could see her shallow breathing and smell her scent: a combination of sweet shampoo and something else uniquely hers. He lingered just a moment longer than necessary before straightening and gesturing to the door for her to precede him.

Mac never saw the private smile that crossed Harm’s face as he followed her out of the barracks. It amused him more than a little that he could elicit that type of reaction from her, given their past, especially after what had happened in Australia. A shadow crossed his face at the memory of that night. He was determined not to let that ruin his mood, though. He would enjoy this weekend for the respite it was and worry about the future later.

 _God, I sound like Scarlet O’Hara_ , he mused to himself

Turning back to make sure Harm was following her, she noticed the speculative smile on his face. “Now what’s that smile for?”

Embarrassed at being caught and afraid that his thoughts were too easily read on his face, Harm schooled his features and tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. “Just looking forward to this weekend. I haven’t really had a vacation in a while.”

Mac fell into step next to him and sighed. “I know I need this weekend,” she said quietly.

“That bad, huh?” he returned in a soft voice, leaning down to close the distance between them.

Not realizing she had spoken aloud, Mac was momentarily surprised. Recovering her composure she looked up into friendly eyes and explained, “Not bad so much as…exhausting.”

Harm straightened and nodded in understanding. His own life had been trying at times in the recent past. With Renee pushing him to share more of himself with her, he felt like there wasn’t anyplace he could really get a break from it all.

They arrived at the car, Harm placing his partner’s suitcase in the trunk next to his duffel as Mac seated herself in the passenger seat for the drive to the harbor.

Harm opened the car door and folded himself into the rather smallish seat, grateful that the dock wasn’t too far away. He didn’t think he could stand being stuck in this car for any length of time. It was a nice car for a rental, but he missed his SUV.

Turning to Mac, he declared, “Well, Colonel, you have my permission to forget the rest of the world for the next three days.”

“Why thank you, Commander,” she smiled at him. “I think I will.”

A half hour later  
San Diego Harbor

“Harm, that’s not a yacht, that’s a cruise ship!”

Harm just chuckled as he guided Mac down the dock to the boat waiting at the end. In truth it was a large yacht, able to sleep more than a dozen people with a crew of five willing to jump overboard if that’s what you wanted them to do.

“Did I mention that Frank’s friend is a senior partner at a large law firm in LA and that this is the yacht they use to entertain VIPs?”

“No,” Mac admonished him with a smile and a friendly slap on the chest, “you didn’t mention that part. I feel completely under dressed.” She looked down self-consciously at her jeans and silently berated herself for not wearing something else.

Harm’s expression turned serious as he bent down and whispered in her ear “You look wonderful to me.”

Mac’s face took on a slightly reddish hue, almost hidden by her rich olive complexion. Harm, however, noticed that she blushed and filed the information away.

When they reached the end of the dock, they could see a man in a crisp white uniform with a captain’s hat waiting for them on board. Crossing the gangway, Harm called out, “Permission to come aboard, Captain?”

The tall, lean man of about 50 before them smiled a genuine smile and reached out his hand to shake Harm’s outstretched one. “Permission granted,” he declared. “I’m Captain Forbes, skipper of the Flying Angel.”

“I’m Harmon Rabb,” Harm introduced himself. “And this is Sarah MacKenzie.”

Turning from Harm, the captain shook Mac’s hand as well. “Mr. Rabb, Ms. MacKenzie. Welcome aboard. Mr. Conklin told me to expect you, but he didn’t say you’d be bringing this lovely lady.”

Mac’s blush deepened as she took in the compliment from the very sweet Captain Forbes.

“I see you’ve already met my First Mate, Tommy,” the captain indicated the man following them down the dock, both Harm’s and Mac’s bags in his hands.

“Yes, sir,” Harm answered for both of them. “He met us out at the car and was kind enough to get our bags.”

“Nonsense,” the captain returned. “That’s his job. I’d be worried if he’d let you carry your own. You are our guests for the weekend. Get used to being waited on.”

Harm and Mac both felt a little chagrined at being admonished so soon after their arrival but were soon put at ease by the captain’s next words.

“Now, we’ll get underway as soon as you are settled. Tommy will show you to your staterooms. Dinner will be served on the aft deck at around sunset, if that meets with your approval?”

“I’m sure that will be fine,” Mac assured him with a smile.

“Well then,” Captain Forbes clapped his hands together. “I’ll see about getting us underway. Have you got any special destination in mind?”

Harm looked at Mac who looked back at him with a puzzled look on her face. She hadn’t even begun to think about where they might go. The look on Harm’s face told her he was thinking the exact same thing.

Reading the expressions on his guests faces, Captain Forbes took the lead. “No? Well, how about we just take a tour of the coast and see where that leads us?”

Harm smiled at the relieved look on Mac’s face and turned to the captain. “Sounds good to us.”

“Good,” the captain declared. Then turning to his first mate, he gave instructions. “Show Mr. Rabb and Ms. MacKenzie to their staterooms and then join me on the bridge.”

Tommy responded with a quick “Aye, sir,” before turning back to their two guests. “If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you the way.”

Harm and Mac turned with Tommy toward the aft of the yacht, admiring their surroundings as they went. Harm looked appreciatively at the fine details present. The deck was a beautiful dark wood, and as they rounded a corner, he could only guess that the vast expanse of deck before him was where they would spend their evening. He noticed a table and chairs set up near the upper cabin, with lounge chairs spread in small groupings around the railing.

Following Tommy, they entered the cabin and found themselves in a rather large salon complete with a bar, comfortable looking couches and chairs and even a TV mounted in one corner.

Noticing that his two guests were following at a slightly slower pace, Tommy turned and began to explain.

“That, as you might have already guessed, is the aft deck, where you’ll have dinner tonight,” Tommy began. Seeing confirmation in their eyes, he continued. “This is the Upper Lounge-“

“Does that mean there’s a Lower Lounge,” Harm asked incredulously. Mac jabbed him in the ribs for his impertinent question, but all he could do was chuckle.

“Yes, there is, actually. It’s all the way forward on the lower deck. The bridge, of course, is forward of this room. If you ask the captain, I’m sure he’d be willing to give you a tour.” Tommy paused to make sure he had their attention once again. “Now, let’s go below and get you settled in your staterooms.”

Harm and Mac followed Tommy down the flight of stairs into a small hallway. “Just like a Navy vessel,” Harm commented.

“There are six staterooms on this level,” Tommy explained for his guests, “two forward, two amidships and two aft. The crew quarters and ships stores are down one more level, but you don’t want to see that.”

“We don’t?” Harm asked as Mac again jabbed him in the ribs.

Tommy made a face and shook his head. “No, Mr. Rabb, you really don’t.” 

Leading them down the hallway, he stopped before two doors across from each other. “Mr. Rabb, you’re here on the port side, cabin number one. And Ms. MacKenzie, you’re to starboard, cabin two. There’s an intercom inside, so just buzz us if you need anything. Come on up to the aft deck when you’re ready.”

Harm and Mac smiled at each other briefly before they each took their bag into their staterooms and closed the door.

0415 ZULU Friday  
Aboard the Flying Angel  
Just outside San Diego Harbor

Mac emerged from the Upper Lounge feeling incredibly refreshed. She had taken a brief shower and changed her clothes before joining Harm on deck. She could see him standing near the rail, admiring the way the sea and sky seemed to melt into one another. She stood for just a moment watching him.

He had changed his shirt from the polo he had been wearing to a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His profile showed a peaceful expression on his face, as if he felt he was home and able to relax more fully than he normally would.

Sensing her presence, he turned to find Mac watching him. He took in her appearance and smiled appreciatively. She had changed into a long flowing sleeveless dress in a rich navy that accentuated all her curves. Her hair was more casual than usual, windblown and she had an expression of freedom on her face that he didn’t think he’d ever seen.

Harm held out his hand to her in invitation and she crossed the deck wordlessly, lacing her fingers into his, and leaning against him at the rail to enjoy the view.

The sound of a throat being cleared behind them caused them to turn. Mac dropped Harm’s hand, but Harm just circled his arm around her waist and pulled her closer.

An older man in a plain white jacket with a round face and bright hair and eyes greeted them. “I’m Daniel Kilter and I’ll be your server tonight,” he introduced himself.

“Hello, Mr. Kilter,” Mac replied. “I’m Mac, and this is Harm.”

“I know who you are,” Daniel replied with a twinkle in his eye. He had observed the scene just moments before he’d interrupted and could tell that these two were special to each other. He determined to make sure they enjoyed themselves immensely during their stay.

“We are the only two people on the ship, besides the crew,” Harm reminded her.

“Thank you, I hadn’t noticed that,” Mac returned sarcastically.

Daniel smiled at their easy banter. Yes, indeed, these two had a very special relationship. “Would you like something to drink, some ginger ale perhaps?” Daniel looked directly at Mac as he said this.

Mac glanced at Harm who shrugged imperceptibly at the question in her eyes. He hadn’t said anything about her alcohol problem. Turning back to Daniel she said, “That would be nice.”

“And for the gentleman? A glass of wine? Or a beer?”

This time Harm looked down at Mac who looked up at him with the same puzzled expression on her face. How did he know?

As if in answer to their unspoken question, Daniel explained. “Your stepfather explained the young lady’s preference,” he told Harm

Harm was a little taken aback, but Mac just smiled. It was so sweet of Frank to be so concerned about her, even though they had never actually met. When it seemed that Harm wouldn’t speak up, Mac ordered for him. “Please bring Harm a glass of Chardonnay.”

“The chef has prepared Salmon tonight. I hope that is to your liking?” Daniel questioned.

“Sounds wonderful,” Mac assured him.

When Daniel had gone, Mac stepped back and turned a no nonsense look on her partner.

Feeling her penetrating gaze on him, Harm rushed to explain. “The only thing I can think of is that I was on the phone with my mom one night when you were coming over for dinner to work on a case. She encouraged me to open a bottle of wine and relax for a while with you. I told her you don’t drink. I didn’t say why. She must have mentioned it to Frank,” he finished, suddenly out of steam.

Mac just smiled. “That was sweet of him to think of me,” she told Harm gently, letting him off the hook. She placed a hand on his chest to emphasize her words and felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Raising her eyes to his, she looked deeply into the liquid blue pools but found an expression she couldn’t read. That troubled her a little. She had always thought she could read whatever was in her partner’s eyes. That was part of what had made them a good team.

Gazing down into the rich chocolate of his partner’s eyes, Harm was having just as much trouble reading her expression. He let his eyes wander down to briefly take in her lips, tantalizingly close, before slowly sliding down to settle on the hand that was still resting over his heart.

His eyes widened almost imperceptibly at what he saw. It was her right hand, and there was no ring! His whole body trembled at the thought of what that could mean. Reaching up with his right hand, he tucked a stray hair behind Mac’s ear, an infinitely tender gesture that caused her to sigh almost inaudibly. He let his hand slip down to rest on her shoulder before encircling her.

Mac’s breathing became shallower at the thought of what might come next. But she was to be disappointed, however slightly. Moving behind her, he circled his other arm around Mac’s waist and joined his hands there, resting his chin on her head, nuzzling her hair, taking in her scent.

Mac leaned into his embrace and closed her eyes. She felt so secure, so right in her partner’s arms. _Why doesn’t it ever feel this way with Mic_ , she wondered. Maybe because every gesture, every touch felt like a subtle demand. It was a moment of unexpected clarity. And it caused her to lean even more on the man behind her. Pushing her thoughts aside, she determined to simply enjoy the feel of Harm’s arms around her.

Harm’s heart was racing and he was trembling all over. Had she moved the ring and not told him? He knew their relationship was on shaky ground, but he’d thought that she would at least tell him this much. He’d moved behind her, pulling her back to rest against him so that he could get some distance, but also to think. He knew he could be completely transparent at times, but this was one time he didn’t want to be. 

Idly he caressed her stomach where his hands met. Without thinking, he ran his hands up her arms, feeling the soft skin. When his hands returned to her waist, her hands had taken the place of his. He slowly touched the hands he had memorized by sight, able to replay every detail of them in his mind’s eye; every detail but one. He knew there should be a ring on one hand or the other, but he suddenly realized that it wasn’t there, on either one of them. 

Lifting her hands up before him, where they both could see that there was no engagement ring where one had been only hours before, Harm turned his questioning gaze to his partner. Mac turned her head and looked up at him, uncertainty in her eyes.

Slowly, both became aware of quiet music floating in the air and the sounds of someone preparing the table behind them. The moment broken, they stepped slightly away from each other and turned to see that Daniel had set out their drinks and salads and was waiting patiently for them to be seated.

Harm took Mac’s hand in his own and led her to the table where he pulled out her chair, waiting to seat her before he took his own seat. Never taking her eyes from his, she sat and allowed him to push in her chair before he crossed to the other side of the small table and seated himself. 

Daniel very quietly and almost without notice placed their napkins in their laps and offered freshly ground pepper before retreating inside. Even through his ministrations they never stopped looking at each other, he mused. They have it bad, he thought before returning to the galley for their entrees.

Harm reached for his glass of wine, Mac’s own movements a mirror image of his. Raising his glass, he offered a toast.

“To a fine evening.”

Mac smiled slightly before raising her glass to meet his, the slight ting when their glasses met echoing in a silent agreement between them.

They passed their meal in easy conversation, enjoying the meal, the sunset and each other’s company, the events of earlier best left alone for now. Touching on a range of subjects, they discussed everything from the case they had just finished to their godson to whether or not they thought Lt Singer had any chance at all to become the first female JAG. Harm’s vote was a firm no.

Their dinners long since finished, they sat in companionable silence for a time, enjoying the bright, starry night and the cool sea air. The beginning notes of a new song carried out to them and Harm rose from his seat.

“May I have this dance?” He gazed deeply into Mac’s eyes, his own smiling and full of contentment.

“Why of course,” came the reply as Mac rose from her chair, placed her hand in Harm’s outstretched one and allowed him to lead her to an open section of deck. 

He spun her around once, eliciting giggles of joy from her, before pulling her to him, tighter than necessary. Holding her hand in his, he moved it to rest on his chest, above his beating heart, and covered it with his own. Resting his chin on her head, he began to sway with the music.

Mac rested her cheek on Harm’s shoulder, closing her eyes and sighing with contentment. Harm pulled back and looked at her with questioning eyes. She simply smiled at him, the smile reaching from her eyes all the way to her soul. 

Once again Harm let his eyes drift to her mouth. Mac licked her lips as Harm’s expression turned heavy lidded and his eyes lost their focus. He leaned down, stopping just a breath away from her lips. Indeed, Mac could feel his breath on her face. When she didn’t move or try to stop what they both knew was coming, Harm closed the distance and brushed her lips with his own. A mere second later, he returned his mouth to hers, molding her lips to his. 

His kiss was not demanding, but rather gentle and sensual, just as she knew the man himself to be. Gently, but with infinite care, he tasted her soft lips, memorizing each new sensation. He stroked her back with his hand, his movements intentionally slow so he wouldn’t break the spell that had fallen over them. Mac had never felt anything more wonderful. She leaned further into him, tangling her free hand in his hair, her other hand still trapped beneath his, feeling his heart beat as powerfully as her own.

Finally, slowly, Harm retreated from her lips and looked down into her eyes, searching them for what secrets he could find.

“Harm—“

“Shhh,” Harm placed his finger over her lips. “Let’s just take this weekend one moment at a time and see where it takes us, okay?”

Mac could only nod her assent, but Harm could read in her eyes the faintest glimmer of hope. Truthfully, he didn’t know why he’d said what he’d said, but it felt right and he wasn’t going to take it back now. They had this one opportunity to see what could develop between them if they were to try, without the pressures of work, the military, or anyone else getting in the way, and for the first time, he was willing to try.

Harm began to move again, silently sweeping Mac gently around the deck, enjoying the feel of her in his arms. Mac allowed herself to be led, knowing that if she had to make coherent conversation now she would fail miserably. He was willing to take a tentative step towards her and she was still in wonder at what that might mean. She’d left her ring in her stateroom on purpose, not wanting to be reminded of all she still had to decide when she returned home. She hadn’t realized what that simple act would do until Harm had kissed her. But she was glad she had done it.

They danced for a while longer before they both decided that they were more tired than they had earlier realized from a week of investigations, dead ends and misleading evidence. With a promise to enjoy breakfast on deck together, they retreated below deck hand in hand.

Harm stopped Mac outside her stateroom door and bent to brush her lips with the faintest kiss. Tracing the line of her jaw with his finger as if trying to memorize every detail he studied her face in the dim light. Slowly he pulled away.

“Sweet dreams, Sarah,” he whispered before reaching around her to open her door.

Mac sighed, took one of his hands in her own and squeezed it before letting it drop back to his side and retreating into her room for the night. She leaned on the inside of her door, closed her eyes and sighed again before readying for bed.

Harm turned to his own door, slipping quietly inside. He crossed to the porthole and simply stared outside and the sea and the stars for some moments before seeking his own rest.

1530 ZULU Saturday  
Aboard the Flying Angel  
Somewhere off the Southern California coast

Stretching languidly in her bed, Mac came awake slowly. Her internal clock told her it was only 7:30 but she couldn’t sleep anymore. In truth, last night had been the best night of sleep she’d had in a long time, and her dreams had been filled with a certain Naval Aviator and the look on his face the night before. She figured that part of the reason she was awake so early was that she knew she’d be seeing him at breakfast and somewhere in her mind she couldn’t wait.

Rising slowly, she took her time to shower and dress, donning khaki shorts, a white t-shirt and deck shoes before heading up to the deck.

She found Harm already on deck, pouring himself a glass of orange juice from a carafe on the bar. When he caught sight of her coming up the stairs, he set aside his glass and waited for her to join him. When she reached his side, he pulled her to him and kissed her gently before returning to his glass of juice.

“Would you like some juice,” he asked with a twinkle in his eyes, seeing her slightly startled look and knowing he was the cause.

Mac, still a little breathless from his greeting, simply nodded her head. She couldn’t believe what he could do to her in such a short amount of time. He had her giddy, breathless and acting like a schoolgirl. Suck it up, marine, she told herself. He’s gonna think you don’t have more than two brain cells in that head of yours.

“So what’s for breakfast?” Mac had finally found her voice and said the first thing that came to her mind.

As he handed her a glass of juice, he said nonchalantly, “Well, you’ve already had the appetizer.”

Catching the teasing tone in his voice, Mac decided to play along. “Don’t get me wrong, Harm,” she began. “But a girl’s gotta have more than just kisses to live on.”

Looking slightly affronted, he returned, “Well, I’m sure Daniel would be happy to scrounge something up from the galley.”

At the mention of his name, Daniel appeared from below. “Are you ready for breakfast now?” 

As if in answer, Mac’s stomach growled audibly. “I think that’s a yes, Daniel,” Harm interjected, earning himself a stern look from Mac.

“Do you have anything in mind?” Ever the solicitous server, he waited patiently for an answer.

Harm looked at Mac, who just shrugged her shoulders slightly as if to say anything would be fine. Harm just smiled in return and turned back to Daniel.

“I’ll have a vegetarian omelet and Mac will have scrambled eggs with bacon and toast.”

“Very well, sir.” And with that he was gone.

Harm took Mac’s hand in his and led her out onto the deck. Stopping at the starboard railing, he circled his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. They stood for some time just enjoying their juice, the colors of the sunrise and each other’s company.

After they were seated and just as their meals were being delivered, they noticed Tommy heading in their direction. “How is everything so far?” he wanted to know.

Harm looked at Mac and smiled before answering. Not moving his gaze from hers he said, “Everything is wonderful.”

Mac smiled her agreement. Tommy caught the looks chasing between his two guests and figured that what Danny had said last night must be true. These two had it bad for each other. But his training wouldn’t let him say that out loud. 

“I’m glad to hear it,” he said instead. “The captain has invited you two to tour the bridge this morning after you’re finished with breakfast, if you’d like. He also asked me to let you know that we will be passing near Catalina Island this morning. If you would like to go ashore, we can arrange that for you.”

Harm and Mac looked at each other and smiled. They had been doing a lot of that in the last week or so, and it felt good for both of them. “We’d love to tour the bridge,” Harm told the young mate.

“And Catalina sounds wonderful,” Mac put in, earning another smile from her partner.

“Good,” Tommy smiled. “I’ll go make the arrangements for you to visit the island. When you’re done with breakfast, just let Daniel know and he can escort you to the bridge.”

Harm and Mac both expressed their thanks and then dove into the food before them. True to his word, when they were finished with their meal, Daniel was waiting to show them to the bridge. They got the full tour, and enjoyed their time immensely. They were surprised to learn that Captain Forbes hadn’t always been a yacht captain.

“No, I used to be a CFO before I retired,” he informed them when they’d asked what he used to do. Shock registered on both their faces before the captain moved to fill them in on the strange twist that led to his present job. “I’d made sure that I could retire young so I could spend more time with my wife. We’ve always had boats, and I had planned to spend much of my time after retirement sailing. When my old friend Arnie Conklin found out I’d be retiring soon, he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

“But what about your wife,” Mac wanted to know. “Do you see her much?”

“Of course I do. You see, she’s the cook!”

This statement drew more surprised looks from the two young guests on the bridge. “She made that wonderful salmon last night?” Harm just had to know.

“Yes, Mr. Rabb,” Forbes assured him. “She loves to cook, so this gives her a chance to try out new recipes. When we don’t have guests, myself, my son and daughter-in-law and Danny are her guinea pigs.”

“Tommy is your son?” Mac guessed. She’d liked the young man as soon as she’d met him, and was pleased to learn that the affable captain had a son who was equally kind.

“Yes.” It was the same on every trip. There was always a guest or two who took the time to get to know the captain, and when he or she found out about the family operation, they were surprised but pleased. “His wife, Elaine, helps my wife out and serves as part-time cabin steward as well.”

“So how does Daniel fit into the family?” Harm, ever the lawyer, wanted to know.

“Daniel is my wife’s brother. His wife passed away a few years ago, and I offered him a place on the ship. It’s been good for him,” Captain Forbes observed. “He usually acts as second mate, but since it’s just the two of you, he took on waiter duties instead. He says he’s having fun, so you must be doing something right.”

The three of them shared a chuckle before they noticed Tommy waiting nearby.

“Excuse me, sir,” Tommy quietly interrupted their conversation. When he had the captain’s full attention he continued. “We are approaching the harbor. I’ve arranged for a boat to ferry Mr. Rabb and Ms. MacKenzie ashore and return them when they’re ready.”

“Thank you, Tommy,” the captain said easily before returning his attention to his guests. “Well, looks like we’ve almost arrived. Whenever you’re ready, just let Daniel know and he’ll get you on your way.”

They both thanked the captain for his time before returning to their staterooms to finish preparing for the day.

0322 ZULU Sunday  
Aboard the Flying Angel  
Somewhere off the Southern California coast

Harm and Mac were stretched out in a lounge chair together, the brilliant colors of the sunset painted in the sky before them. They snuggled together and enjoyed the closeness of one another. Each sat lost in thought, remembering the weekend and savoring each memory.

They had spent Saturday in Catalina, renting bikes and taking in the island. They had lunch at the casino, high on the hill overlooking the harbor. They ate together, talked, laughed, and shared, easily touching one another, and even kissing when the mood struck them.

They had returned to the yacht in the evening and dined once again on the deck, taking in the sunset and enjoying each other’s company. Mac marveled that Harm had not made one untoward move with her. He was ever the gentleman, solicitous to a fault, almost making Daniel look lazy in his care of her. 

And the thing was, she was enjoying it. It amazed her how light her heart could feel when Harm simply smiled at her. He’d even suggested they shop for something for baby AJ before leaving the island. They had settled on a t-shirt and shorts that said “Catalina Kid” on them, and a matching ball cap for when he spent his Saturdays at the park with his godparents.

They had spent Sunday on the yacht, cruising off the coast. Stopping after lunch just off Santa Barbara, they indulged in a swim and some shuffleboard on deck. Mac had been delighted to find that she could best her partner almost every game. His look of frustration amused her, but she liked it best when he pulled her into his arms for a long, sweet kiss to congratulate the winner.

And now they were snuggled close, watching the sunset like an old couple. What was most comforting was the fact that it was so easy to be that way with Harm. She didn’t have to make any extra effort with him. He knew all about her past, her faults and foibles and he liked her anyway. It made it so easy for her to spend time with him.

Harm’s thoughts had drifted along the same line as the evening had progressed. He thought about all the things he had enjoyed about this time with Mac: her smile, her laugh, the way she so easily touched and kissed him, and shared with him without reserve. But what he savored the most was what happened when he smiled at her. Her whole demeanor would change. She would instantly light up from the inside. And it would make his heart light too.

He tried not to think about the fact that they had to be on a plane back to Washington in just over twelve hours. He knew that would change what was happening between them. The only question was how it would change things. Would they go back to the way things were before they left for San Diego? Or would they be able to make this a beginning to something lasting? He knew they should talk about it, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment, in case this moment was all they had.

Harm recognized the song now drifting out to them from the lounge. The words seemed to say exactly what he was feeling at that moment. Nudging Mac gently, he whispered into her ear, “Dance with me.”

Smiling to herself, she rose from the lounge chair and reached out her hands to help him up. Pulling him out behind her, she reached the emptiest part of the deck and allowed him to pull her into his embrace. 

_How do I get through one night without you_  
_If I had to live without you_  
_What kind of life would that be_  
_Oh and I, I need you in my arms_  
_Need you to hold_  
_You’re my world, my heart, my soul_  
_If you ever leave_  
_Baby, you would take away everything good in my life_

As the words of the song drifted to their ears, Mac looked up into the eyes of her partner, her best friend, whose eyes reflected the hope and longing showing in her own.

_Without you there’d be no sun in my sky_  
_There would be no love in my life_  
_There’d be no world left for me_  
_And I, baby I don’t know what I would do_  
_I’d be lost if I lost you_  
_If you ever leave_  
_Baby, you would take away everything real in my life_  
_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you_  
_I want to know_  
_How do I breathe without you_  
_If you ever go_  
_How do I ever, ever survive_  
_How do I, how do I_  
_Oh how do I live_

Harm pulled Mac even closer, caressing her back in slow, gentle circles, willing the words of the song to say what he hadn’t been able to tell her for so long.

_If you ever leave_  
_Baby you would take away everything_  
_Need you with me_  
_Baby, ‘cause you know that you’re everything good in my life_  
_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you_  
_I want to know_  
_How do I breathe without you_  
_If you ever go_  
_How do I ever, ever survive_  
_How do I, how do I_  
_Oh how do I live_  
_Without you baby_

When the last notes of the song had faded into the air, Harm and Mac remained where they were, not moving with the rhythm of the new song, still lost in each other’s eyes.

“That’s how I feel, you know,” he told her quietly. “I feel like if you marry Mic, I’ll lose you forever, and I won’t know how to survive it.”

Mac’s heart broke a little at his admission. It had been hard for him to admit that to anyone, proud as he is. She reached up and brushed a lock of hair away from his face. 

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” she needed to know.

Harm shifted his gaze heavenward, as if searching for some unseen strength to help him finish what he’d started. When his eyes returned to hers, she could see the pain in them. It was breaking his heart to think of her marrying someone else, and he didn’t know how to stop it, or if he even had a right. But he knew that he had to say something. He’d been a fool on the ferry in Australia. He hadn’t told her exactly what he wanted, and she had misinterpreted what he had said. He had to set it right now, somehow.

“Because I don’t have a right to tell you how to live your life. I don’t have the right to tell you not to marry someone that you can’t love passionately, deeply, whole heartedly. I gave up that right that night in Australia, and I’ve regretted it ever since. If Mic is what—is who—makes you happy, then I’ll be happy for you both. But if you even have a small doubt about the way you feel for him, then please, don’t do it. Don’t marry him.”

Mac had tears in her eyes. It had taken an immense amount of courage for him to say what he just had. But there was something missing; something that she wanted—no, needed—to hear.

Looking deep into his eyes, she asked the only question she could. “Why, Harm? Why don’t you want me to marry Mic?”

Harm took a deep, steadying breath. He reached down and took both her hands in his own, kissing first one, then the other. He looked at her with resolve reflected in his deep blue eyes. Closing his eyes briefly, he looked at her and spoke from his heart.

“I don’t think I realized how it could be with you until this weekend. You’ve shown me that our relationship can only get better, and that we don’t have to risk losing our friendship to gain a much richer relationship. I know there are still issues ahead, like the chain of command. I also know that if I don’t try to win you for myself, I will regret it for the rest of my life. If I lost you to Mic, I don’t know what I would do. I’m not asking you to make a decision right now. All I’m asking for is the chance to try.”

Mac thought her heart would burst out of her chest. She had waited a long time for him to say that he wanted that kind of relationship with her. That he cared enough to risk everything to find out if they had a future together. 

Harm’s look turned concerned when her silence stretched on. “Say something, Sarah.”

At the sound of her given name on his lips, her legs turned to jell-o and the tears that had been standing in her eyes began falling in slow tracks down her cheeks. Harm pulled her close and hugged her for all he was worth. If he had hurt her again, he would never forgive himself.

Mac pulled back from him to look up into his eyes. “I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say that. And I didn’t even realize that’s what I’d been waiting for until you said it. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted, you know. All I ever wanted was for you to want to try.”

Harm reached up and wiped the tears away from her cheeks. “That’s all?” he teased. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

Mac looked at him with a smirk on her face and a twinkle in her chocolate eyes. “I did, you dummy, on the ferry. You were just too dense to get my meaning.”

Sighing with relief at her willingness to joke about the whole business, he asked, “So why didn’t you knock me upside the head or something?”

“You mean like this?” And with that, she cuffed him on the head, laughing at the surprised expression on his face.

“Yeah, something like that,” he replied sarcastically. Then his expression turned more serious. “Mac, I—“

Repeating his gesture of two nights ago, she silenced him with a finger to his lips. “Shhh. Let’s just take this one moment at a time and see where it takes us.”

Harm smiled a deep smile filled with relief and joy. Looking down into Sarah MacKenzie’s eyes, he saw what he’d been missing all along: love and acceptance pooling in her eyes in abundance. And he promised himself then and there that he would never miss that again.

Mac could see the recognition in Harm’s eyes; he saw what she could no longer hide, nor did she want to. Maybe she could have been clearer about what she’d wanted all those months ago, but she didn’t think it would have changed the outcome. He had to get there on his own. And get there he did. Her sigh of contentment was heartfelt.

The sound of music still playing in the background brought them both out of their thoughts. Harm once again pulled Mac close to him. Claiming her lips in a gentle kiss, he conveyed all his thoughts and feelings in one embrace, leaving Mac breathless and full of hope and joy for the first time in months.

Swaying once more to the music, they began talking softly about everything and nothing, laughing and enjoying this moment and each other’s company in a new way, wishing that this evening would never end.

1905 ZULU Monday  
United Airlines Flight 2260  
Somewhere over the US

Mac leaned over Harm to peer out the window. They had been crossing the Midwest for what seemed like forever, but was in reality just over an hour.

“Something I can do for you, Colonel?”

“No, just looking,” came the easy reply. 

Mac caught sight of Harm’s fidgeting and just shook her head. He was always more comfortable when he was the pilot. Most of the time she wished the pilot would take pity on him and invite him up to the cockpit. Today, however, she wanted him all to herself, fidgets and all.

“Mac, we should probably talk about what’s going to happen when we get back,” Harm surprised her by saying.

“I know,” she said somewhat reluctantly. 

“Do you think we should say anything to the admiral?” Harm began.

Mac tilted her head in thought. “At some point we may have to,” she reasoned. “But right now, I really don’t want to say anything to him. Bud and Harriet, maybe. If this gets more serious,” she trailed off, holding out her hands in a small shrug.

They fell silent for a few moments before Mac spoke again. “What about Renee?”

“And Mic,” they said in unison.

Chuckling a bit at their habit of finishing one another’s sentences, Harm spoke his thoughts. “I don’t love Renee,” he admitted, much to Mac’s surprise. “There was always a part of my heart that she couldn’t get to and it frustrated her because you could.”

Mac’s face showed the wonder she felt at that simple statement. No one had ever been able to surprise her like Harm did. Not even Mic. As her thoughts drifted to Mic, she began to speak.

“I don’t know how Mic’s going to take this. Even before last night I think I knew that I couldn’t marry him. It’s like you said: I don’t love him deeply or whole heartedly. But he feels that way about me. I don’t want to hurt him, but no matter what I say, I’m afraid I will,” she finished helplessly.

Harm, seeing the wounded look on her face, raised the armrest between them and pulled Mac into his arms. She snuggled there, in the crook of his arm, thinking that that spot had been made just for her. Harm gently kissed the top of her head, and she could hear the rumble in his chest as he spoke.

“No matter what happens, Sarah, we’ll get through this together,” he promised.

Mac didn’t think she’d ever heard a better word than “together.”

“I like the sound of that, Sailor,” she murmured.

“Get used to it,” he told her. “You’re going to be hearing it a lot from now on.”

A friend had once told Mac not to settle for someone she could live with, but to wait for someone she couldn’t live without. With a smile on her face, she realized that in Harm, that’s exactly what she had found.

~Finis


End file.
